Scholes Cricket Club

MELVYN'S MUSES
The legendary “Holme Valley Viking”, Mr Melvyn Booth, venerable Huddersfield Examiner Football Correspondent and Scholes CC player for 31 years, has finally given in to his dodgy knees and hard earned beer belly and burnt his cricketing boots. In a fitting honour he is to take over as Scholes Chairman – and as a tribute to his sterling and unbroken service to the club, we interviewed him on the subject of his long, varied and at times surreal and often hilarious Scholes career.

Melly played his first game for the Juniors when aged nearly 16 at Armitage Bridge. He used to spend every Summer in Wooldale Park playing cricket hour after hour with the likes of the Brook brothers Nicky and Daryl, Martin Brown, Chris Hatton and Richard Pearson. All of them were destined to become Scholes legends in one way or another after the fateful day that Alan Hinchliffe told them all that Scholes were starting a Junior team. They all rolled up on the same fateful evening, and all of them, apart from Hatto, are still playing a major role in the club they first arrived at 31 years ago.

Mel went straight into the Second XI, and made his debut at Higham, making 21. He made his First XI debut later in the same season, away ay Skelmanthorpe. Raymond Hallas was skipper and Ralph Shaw the Pro, and they had enough faith in the long, angular and very thin Melvyn to bat him at three. He didn’t get many but played the next week at home against Emley. Mel seems to have total recall by the way – “Laurence Heap was wicket keeper and Rodney Mee was bowling quick on a crap wicket, for some reason they stuck me in at slip and I was absolutely shitting it if the ball came anywhere near me!”

So what about Melvyn’s most memorable match and why? “It has to be us knocking Honley out of the Sykes Cup when I was skipper and we were still in the Central League. They were a good team with Mike Boccaro Captain. We bowled ‘em out for 129 but then slumped to 50 for 5, before myself (30*) and Spike Wood (31*) knocked ‘em off. The other game that comes to mind was the Paddock Shield Final in 1996 at Chapelgate against Elland. The club was buzzing after the First’s had won the Sykes Cup the previous week, (our first major District League honour and also secured against the mighty Hullen Edger’s). There was a massive crowd, it was a desperately close game and my first Paddock Shield winners medal. Fan feckin’ tastic!”

I asked Melly about personal honours he’s won down the years. He’s picked up three Premiership II winners medals and likewise Paddock Shield medals. He won the Batting prize for the First’s in 82 and 83, won the six hit trophy in one of those years and was also voted Player’s player in 83. “Ever since then that bastard Buster won everything in sight!” His highest score for the First’s was 98* against Higham, he made 123* for the Seconds against Penistone, and once smashed 135 in a friendly at Chapelgate. He would have made countless more runs for the club had his job as Huddersfield Town Football reporter got in the way of his playing so often.

Mel took over from Pete Beaumont as First XI skipper in the middle of the ’83 season, and was proud to do the job for the next 2 and a half years. He fondly remembers such great Scholes characters as Bill Heywood, Harry Turner, Stanley and Donald Ellis, and all of his contemporaries, several of whom are still playing, and mightily effectively too. Talking of which, one of his many favourite and hilarious anecdotes is about the unique Chris Hatton….fact.

“We were playing up at Cartworth Moor against their Under 17’s. They were complete horse manure, and with Hatto bowling at 90mph (apparently no exaggeration folks) they slumped to 3 for 6. It was brown trousers all round and their Umpire demanded Hatto slow down or somebody would be killed. Hatto wasn’t slowing down for anybody….but said “fair enough”…..and bowled the next ball even quicker – but from about 30 yards – we all fell about laughing”

Then there was the game at Clayton West sometimes in the 70’s. Scholes were short and somehow the elderly George Holmes ended bowling an over dressed in an immaculate brown suit and matching brogues. “ I was wicket keeping and every ball of his one over went for a 4 or 6 apart from one. I was shaking with laughter. That particular delivery pitched on the perfect length, nipped away and took the edge. Regulation catch at regulation height. A lollipop. Of course I feckin’ spilled it. George blasphemed and trudged back down to third man after getting his brown jacket back off the Umpire.” You have to get Mel to tell you the tale in person to get the full comic effect folks.

Last but not least was another game at Clayton West for the Firsts in 1985. “It was the last ball of the game. We needed one run to tie. Mick Haigh was facing and Pete Beaumont up at the other end. Mick swished and missed and turned his back and started to walk off. But Pete had decided to run anyway and the keeper shied at the stumps and missed. As Pete piled past Mick walking in the wrong direction he yelled “start running you thick bastard!” Mick turned round and started running from about 35 yards. The ball missed the stumps at the other end and a less than agile mid-on suddenly realised the fate of the game was in his hands. The useless drongo picked it up and hurled it in the general direction of the stumps – only for it to hit the feckin’ bowler full on the shin for Micky to stroll in for the most stupid single that ever secured a tie in the history of the feckin’ game!”

Last thing we asked Mel was his very best memory of playing the greatest game in the world.

“Walking off after that last game at Chapelgate – I got a great reception and it was a great last night in the Clubhouse – I have loved every single minute of it”

Cheers for all the memories Melvyn    

So I thought we’d better get some words off him before the memory dims, the
girth spreads and “Henry” settles into his no doubt blissfully happy cricketing
retirement with Bev and Grace.

Now you’ve finally made the decision – how do you feel?

“Well, a bit sad really. I’ve played for 33 years, which is a fairly long time I
reckon, but I seem to have a perpetual knee injury these days, and you’ve got to
know when it’s time to pack in. I just woke up last Saturday morning and knew –
it’s time”.

You came to Yorkshire in 1982, playing as a quick bowler for Brighouse, (a
leading question here I’m afraid folks) just how quick were you ?

“Oh I was very quick, no doubt about it, bowling big in-swingers – but I was
hopelessly erratic, and I’d already turned 30 don’t forget. I was also a bit of
a lad – often taking the field pissed up after a lunch time session. I was also
so naive that I didn’t realise players got paid in Yorkshire until the end of my
first season – when Brighouse offered me money to come back. I went to Golcar in
Section B in ’86 for one season, then spent four years at Huddersfield, before
joining Scholes in 1991. Steve Booth was skipper, followed by Stuart Greaves in
‘92, and I made 1,000 runs in both years, including winning the first to 500
league runs – made in only 8 innings amazingly enough. I mean I was already over
40, but I found batting a straightforward affair for around four years, and
played for the League side in 92 & 93. I was certainly the only amateur in that
side, and I wonder how many white players have won the Examiner prize since
then?”

And you were Skipper between 93 – 96, which were crucial development years for
the club, weren’t they Paul?

“Yes, the key was we finally nailed down a decent overseas pro and pushed for
promotion from Section B. Rashid Patel took 80 wickets, and we got up with what
is now basically our Second XI, and then set about trying to stay up. Rashid
sadly came back injured, so we were desperately on the lookout for a
replacement, without whom we were doomed to relegation in what was then a much
stronger Section A. I’d been nagging “Flat” Jack Simmons of Lancashire for
weeks, as he was a well known agent at the time, and he rang me late one night
“Paul, I’ve got the perfect lad for you! He’s Indian, a top class all-rounder,
who’s done a hat-trick in the World Cup and made a ton against England in a One
Day International.” “Bloody hell Jack, who is he and how much does he want!” I
panted. “I can’t remember his name” was Flat Jack’s unbelievably unhelpful
reply. Good agent eh? Anyway, when he rang the next day, with the golden words
“Chetan Sharma”, I didn’t hesitate, and we never looked back from that point.
Suddenly the club had credibility, and it was easier to sign the top class
players such as Dave Weston and Ian Gray”

Sykes Cup 1996 – need I say more?

“Well we’d steadily improved over the years, from 3rd bottom to 5th to runner-up
in Section A, and then we finally did it, beating Elland on their own ground,
without doubt the pinnacle of my cricketing career, lifting the Sykes Cup at
Hullen Edge. In fact that remains the only thing I ever won in my whole
cricketing career! I did get picked to play for English Universities way back,
but typically I only bothered to turn up for one match out of two !”.

Hard question, but can you put into words what made you end up at Scholes and
stay for so long?

“Easy actually! On my first ever visit here with Huddersfield, I remember Coddy
going down the chippy and bringing back a massive order for everybody, late one
night, and me and Bev stopped ‘til the very small hours drinking. That night I
told Bev I wanted to play here, and thank god Boot asked me at the end of that
season. The club has always been full of characters, the biggest of whom has of
course always been Coddy, who has a heart of gold. We’ve had a lot of laughs,
it’s been fantastic.”

How about naming your best ever Scholes XI?

“Ok but this team qualifies due to its socialising abilities off the field as
much as it’s brilliance out there in the middle.

DAVE WESTON

STEVE BOOTH

PAUL WHARTON (No apologies this is a cricketing & drinking XI)

ASHLEY PAMMENT

CRAIG HORNER

CODDY

CHETAN SHARMA

PAUL PHILIPS

DENNIS BROOK

SIMON PARKINSON

ANDY HUTCHISON

Anything else to add - oh venerable one?

“Yes – Wasim Jaffer is the finest cricketer I have ever seen in League cricket –
and that includes county men – overseas players – the lot. He is incredible.
Yes, standards have dropped elsewhere, but I am saying he is the best.”

Here here Henry – and as one great Scholes player departs the scene, lets enjoy
having another one here this year leading our challenge for silverware – India’s
Wasim Jaffer.

SOME WORDS WITH WASIM JAFFER

(Scholes C.C., Mumbai & India)



You made your test debut for India against South Africa last winter – what
was it like Wasim ?

“Really fantastic. I had been hopeful of going to Australia before Christmas,
and was due to play for the Board President’s XI against the touring New
Zealander’s, but it rained and I didn’t get a chance to bat and impress the
selectors, so they took Devan Ghandi instead of me. But he struggled in
Australia, and in the meantime I was making 600 runs for Bombay in the Zonal
championship, and then made 170 for West Zone against North Zone in front of all
the selectors, followed it up with 47 for the Board President’s XI against South
Africa, and suddenly I was picked for India. It was a dream come true, on my
home ground in Bombay, in front of all my family, and a big crowd of 30-40,000.”

What was it like taking on the formidable South African pace attack?

“In the Board President’s game, they bowled pretty short, and Nante Heywood
injured 3 or 4 batters. In the test match they weren’t quite as short, but there
was nothing to drive, and their fielding was brilliant. In the first test,
Sachin (Tendulkar) got 190, Azharuddin 102 and nobody else got any runs – but it
was just great to be playing for my country.”

Any sledging?

“Donald certainly gives you some, but I just ignore it and try to get on
with my own game.”

You came back to England in magnificent form and seemingly a lot more
confident - was that a direct result of having played test cricket?

“Yes, my self-confidence is a lot higher, but also this is my second season
here, and I now feel like I know everybody here and feel very comfortable”

You must be longing for the sun on your back and some hard wickets to bat on?

“Of course, it’s July and the weather has been absolutely terrible, and the
wickets not particularly easy to bat on. Having said that, I feel we’ve proved
we are capable of chasing this year, more so

than last season, and we should change the game plan to suit the conditions. We
should have put Baildon in here in the Quarter-final of the Heavy Woollen Cup,
but there again, nobody expected the wicket to mis-behave like that.

”Can you beat Brandon Nash’s
record of 1800+ runs last year?

“I hope so – but the weather isn’t helping.

”Can Scholes win a trophy this
year?

“We’re playing well enough to win something, be it League or Sykes Cup. We just
have to keep winning games, and hope that Delph and Slaithwaite slip up. I
believe we have a real chance.”

Your tussle with Delph’s Joubert promises to be a titanic clash today, how do
you rate the South African pace merchant?

“Very highly. I played against him in India for India Under 19’s in a one-Day
Series, and he moves the ball both ways. He can bowl fairly quickly, but uses
his brain in England. He didn’t bat in India, but I see he’s making plenty of
runs over here as well.”

Do you think you’ll be picked for India’s next test match?

“Not necessarily. I need to make some big scores when I get home to impress the
selectors.”

Is the step up from domestic to test match cricket as big as they say?

“Oh yes. The pressure and intensity of test match cricket makes it very hard to
score runs.”

One last question Wasim, I feel duty bound to ask in the current scandal
ridden climate of International cricket, have you ever heard anything about
match fixing?

Well, I’ve only played in two test matches, but I’ve got to say with everything
that happens over five days in a test match, it makes it much more unpredictable
than a one dayer. I feel it would be much easier to fix a one-day International
than a test match.

This is the very funny speech delivered by Chas Ponsford at the 1993? Dinner - which became the centre of the 1994 Fanzine which I recently stumbled across in the clubhouse.

TOO DRUNK TO REMEMBER THE SPEECH AT LAST YEAR'S DINNER?
HERE'S THE WHOLE TEDIOUS AFFAIR

The theme of this speech is Scholes insanity.

Madness of various forms raged through the club with the speed of Mell downing a pint or Paul Hertzberg leaving the bar on a Saturday evening. You've witnessed one example already - Paul Clarke won the catching prize. This man, a day after being voted player of the tour, dropped six catches in one game v Rastrick. How the hell did he win the prize? It was unexpected as Douglas Bader winning the 100m sprint
The season started off quite well - we had a new club skipper in Stuart Greaves, or Denis as he was affectionately nicknamed by Coddy after the 1970's Man City winger Denis Tueart, as both share a nose as prominent as a bull elephant's wedding tackle - yo use one of Mel's famous comparisons. Stuart led the team to a series of sound victories early season despite himself batting at the pace of a sponge wielding Paul Hertzberg. (Incidentally, the only thing Paul middled all season was the ball that dislocated his finger in the Paddock Shield final)  Paul Wharton, despite the stress of allowing J belfield/D. Brook and M Turner to help modernise his Holmfirth mansion accumulated runs like Belfield accumulates enemies - easliy and quickly. Most clubs would have been ecstatic with such a start, but not Scholes. In the bar after games there were various ridiculous comments by the usual 30 odd backseat Captains in the club. The moaning madness climaxed in the clubhouse, after lengthy and unhealthy debate over tactics, Stuart turned to Coddy festering over his fully merited non-selection for the First XI and asked "Well what would you do?" was the exasperated cry from the newly appointed skipper "Well for a start I'd drop you" says Coddy. "Why?" asks Stuart. "Because your crap" replies Coddy. Welcome to Scholes Stuart!
The 2nd XI as we have witnessed had a highly successful season of course. But madness was never far away. Right at the end of the season, C. Hatton, always one box short of a cricketer, elected to paly in a micky mouse second team game rather tha possibly exoceting his way to glory in a crucial first XI fixture. Fortunately we had the ideal replacement - Neil Gledhill. I mean, when a bowlers having to cope with a wet end, Neil's the fastest man with a bucket of sawdust I've ever seen. A certified Neil picked up a fully deserved Wally of the Tour award - for example, in the first night he was fined for "Failing to oil and paint every gate in Guernsey after having been on the island for over six hours"
Insane psychotic behaviour was again in evidence during the Paddock Shield run. The Paddock shield has a rich recent history of bringing out the best in club's psycho's. In 1990 Tim Collier drop kicked his losers medal into the crowd; in 1991 v Kirkheaton Paul Hertzberg gobbed on an abusive opponent (in fact he gobbed about as much liquid he's supped in all his time at the club) - and then, in 1992 - ASHLEY PAMMENT
Ashley, upwardly mobile, the apparent young gentleman, carried out a marvellous example of doll's head behaviour in this year's final. Late in the innings he was bowled a juicy half volley by the Shat bowler, and Laura did what most late middle order batsman at Scholes do - spooned it up into the air. As the bowler waited to pouch the simple dolly, Doll's head Pamment went into action and in front of a capcity audience proceeded to take out the bowler with a full blocked Kenworthy type tackle. The poleaxed opponent failed to take the catch, but the Umpire gave the wide eyed Ashley out  DHBW - Dolls head before wicket, and then Ashley tried pathetically to make it alright by shaking hands with the bowler who was just putting his ribs back in. "Well, we didn't come here to make friends" was his sheepish comment as he returned to the accusing silence of the pavilion. Ashley's dad was disgusted - "He wouldn't get away with that at Lascelles Hall" he muttered. true Mr Pamment, however at Lascelles Hall I don't think you would get away with the awful singing you contributed to the after match knees up back at Scholes - your performance seriously threatened Bert Hellowell's position at the club as "The most energetic singer of songs you've never heard in your life". 
Madness in the Second team reached a peak in the first of only 2 defeats in the season. A 3-1 reverse at Elland. Despite being unbeaten J Belfield had been demonstrating his insanity throughout the first half of the season. Paul Hertzberg was scoring consistently but John had selected him as a victim of his verbal phlegm, probably for scoring all his runs without endangering any fielder beyond first slip or silly mid on. Yet it was John's old sparring partner Paul Livesey who was about to cop his full school-masterly venom. We had already been lambasted by the skipper yet again for being the worst fielding team in the history of cricket, when Demps attempted a couple of mindboggingly ridiculous run outs, and to compound his crime was indulging in some typical back seat captaincy. John Edward, by the 40th over was on the verge of hysteria. Demps came out with another audible piece of nonsense from the boundary - Belf turned on his "one more time and you're off..you'll never play for this team again..I'm going to lay you out etc etc". Belf then dislocated his finger with some hamfisted buffoonery at point. How unfortunate we all said. How unfortunate it wasn't his mouth.

Dave Wilde took over the captaincy so 10 people decided Demps should open the batting. He rattled up an adrenalin pumped 70 odd  and was warned by the umpires for talking to himself while batting with cries of "that's four", "that's better",  "great shot" and other demented Dempsey rubbish. Irresponsibly after this heroic knock, he holed out. Soon Belf returned head to foot in bandages looking for sympathy. How unfortunate he didn't get any. And how unfortunate he didn't get any. And how unfortunate they didn't bandage his mouth up. Then the madness started. Despite a brilliant knock he hadn't even seen, Belf told Dempsey "you're dropped" The following week Paul Livesey was picked for the First XI. Demps, already unhappy with this and juiced up in the bar, proclaims he's the number one bat in the club and should replace 500 man Paul Wharton, which is like Neil Mallendar caiming he's the sexiest man on the County circuit. So what did our No. 1 do? Three consecutive ducks later  he was back in the 2nd XI, his boasting as impotent  as his duff racing tips.
This selection farce was the first of a number of selection gaffes. Dave Wilde, the man with the dress sense of an over-flowing bin bag, despite being voted in as skipper of the Second XI was in danger of being dropped from the Second XI. Probably, as Suzanne told me, due to the executive stress of doing a paper round. Of course he ended up in the First XI and then played a Boys Own heroic knock in the Paddock Shield final. Another insane piece of selection. Dave Wilde - the man with the square drive of a West Indian opener and charisma of Mr Bean.
Selection madness peaked in the final Second XI fixture at Genital City, also known as ***tone, when a man who evraged an astronomic 7 with the bat, struggled to get in the Sunday XI,  and was about 5th choice keeper for the Seconds was selected for the First XI. This was the man who gives you a pint when you're only half way down  another - then demands cash. That master of early nights, the odd half, jesus sandals and horrendous headwear...Bob Boorman. Having been picked to keep wicket, he of course didn't. Averaging 7 with the bat he was inserted a number 3 and appropriately skittled all over the place by another well known straight jacket contender Martin Rowe. Yes, the same Bob Boorman, who when he plays 'I spy' with Beth to keep her quiet never gets past the letters A and B - Alcohol and Beer
The subject of alcohol brings me on to the annual tour. This year a return to Guernsey, a peaceful relaxing holiday island, but one only has to look at the tour highlights to realize that Scholes' madness was exported with a vengeance. Taking a glance at the tour fines tells it's own story of madness. Stuart was transformed from that Mr Sensible with his nice butty box and his ability to field every member of the team in every textbook position in one over, that same man was transformed in 5 days from a serious responsible Captain into a dim witted Jack the Lad.
At a local Restaurant , ignoring a sumptuous arrangement of marvellous fresh fish dishes and local delicacies, Stuart opted for "Egg and Chips". He couldn't even cope with the two letters and number in the name of one of the cricket fields - King George V playing fields - KGV  which he regularly referred to as HIV. Our on tour skipper also joined up with his early season critic Coddy for a bit of a double act. A waitress at a classy local bistro was an innocent victim of the worst chat up line of the holiday. While gazing at a locally caught  fish in the refridgerator Stuart was overheard saying to her "are you in season then?" to which Coddy chipped in "Or are you in the bleak mid winter?"

Stuart finally tried to secure his hard won popularity with his new buddy Coddy on the final night with an awful attempt to start a sing song. A communal silence accompanied Stuart's frenzied warblings until Coddy cruelly muttered "well Stuart, you can sing that one amongst yourself". It was nearly as crushing as his response to Dotty on the same evening. Graham said "I'm looking for a get rich quick scheme". Coddy responded "Just turn into work for 3 hours then".

Coddy was in vicious form physically not just verbally.. Before leaving on tour he's already been fined for "Headbutting Samantha Guymer" He followed this up on tour by nearly killing Craig Marsh on a pitch and putt course with a full blooded drive to the forehead, and next day poleaxed Sharon Geldhill with a defensive clearance at football - a game, incidentally, in which Boorman pulled off at least 6 saves comparable to to that of Banks v Pele in 1970. Coddy's piece de resistance on tour took place in a posh restaurant called L'Atlantique. Viewing a display of fresh crabs and not feeling peckish himself he decided to give the crab a treat and promptly attached one to Johnny Doman's arse. The Scholes boyes were promptly asked to leave. Still on the subject of food, Coddy had an inventive, but to the locals, puzzling way of asking for a sweet. "Hey" he said to a bemused waitress on the first night "I'll have Ervine's hair for third course" Black forest gateaux will never be the same again 


STEVE BOOTH'S WORDS ON RETIREMENT

Ibbo has asked me to put down a few thoughts on retirement and here they are – a much fuller version of recent Scholes’ history will be written for the book to commemorate 125 years of Scholes C.C. history.

I can’t think of a better time to retire from playing league cricket – double champions of the Huddersfield league; an achievement that could not have been dreamed of 27 years ago when I first played for the club (I first watched Scholes 40 years ago with my grandad!). I think I’ve done my bit on and off the field and I now intend to watch, play social cricket and keep fit enough to at least make a contribution to a few tours I’ve got lined up.

Since becoming captain in 1986 the club has been a very important part of my life – as long suffering Alison and Claire know only too well, but all the effort in the late 80’s and 90’s has been worth it. One thing I’ve learnt in life is that you get out what you put in and nobody is prouder than me about what this little club has achieved on both the sporting and social side and it’s well set up for the future.

If I were to pick out a handful of my key Scholes memories they would include:

Actually playing with Scholes ‘greats’ likes of Stanley Ellis and Raymond Hallas, who I’d watched as a boy, from the all conquering sides of the sixties and early seventies

Coming home from my college and travelling days of the late seventies and early eighties to play, laugh and drink with an anarchic bunch, led by Melly Booth, of very promising but underachieving cricketers. Those days set the tone and spirit that the club is justly famous for today.

Captaining and helping to develop the club as it made the transition from a happy ambling village side to a happy and highly successful Huddersfield league club

The signing of our first overseas player – Glenn, and then extending our hospitality from Australians to Indians with the coming of Rashid and Chetan. Regular phone calls involving deportations and car accidents were the order of the day!

An incredible number daft parties, celidhs, bonfires, Halloweens, etc

The halcyon years of 1989 and 1990 which included: the festival that set the club up financially, the first Guernsey tour and scoring loads of runs!

Belonging to a club that actually built its own pavilion

Becoming chairman and developing a committee and partnership with Paul, as captain, that gave us the steel to survive in Section A and go on to win the Sykes Cup.

At an elderly age converting myself into a deadly trundling off-spinner and winning lots of stuff

Feeling that in 1996 when I had completed 5 years as chairman the club was well set up and my successor Bob and the players we had could take us onto even greater things – and I was right!

I have thousands of happy memories – all involving a rich array of characters that we know and love at Scholes. I’m looking forward to boring whoever will listen with tales of excess and how great things were in my day!

We all know it’s a fantastic and unique club – I have played all over the world and there is nowhere like it. Make sure it continues.

Steve Booth.

MORE FROM MELLY'S BELLY......

THE OFFICIAL 10 MOST SNOGGABLE CHAPS AT SCHOLES C.C.

Compiled by Mabel Marsh and many other female members

RICHIE HOWARTH - Must smell gorgeous tonight petal!!

DAVE WESTON - Small but well put together

MARTIN BROWN - Any time, any place, any where.

NICKY BROOK - Nice but a bit too fertile

ASHLEY PAMMENT - Very appealing

BOB MILNE - Could it be true what they say?

SIMON PARKINSON - Bring your own orange box to stand on

ANDY HUTCHISON - Might need dental appointments first

PAUL IBBOTSON - If you're going to have one have a big 'un. (Shurely shome mishtake here? Ed.)

JOHN BELFIELD - If we must...

THE OFFICIAL HUDDERSFIELD LEAGUE LARDY-BOYS XI

Anthony Coldwell

Melly Booth

Howard Palmer

Mark Mitchell

Lee Baxter

Paul Adams

Mathhew Robinson

Charles Stanley

Ian Gray

Norman Clee

Chris Bullock

Trainer - A. Sanderson's wife

HUDDERSFIELD LEAGUE OAP'S XI

Paul Wharton (Capitan)

Stuart Greaves

Steve Booth

Richard Horner

Max Dyson

Ian Beck (WK)

Eddie Leadbeater

Owen Baines

Terry Woodhouse

Peter Dibb

Ken Holroyd

12th man  Dave Weston's grandad

"MELLY'S BELLY - It's 'uge!!" was the second fanzine, produced in 1996.

One particular feature was the addition of numerous "Official Huddersfield League XI's"

I begin by offering you a perusal of some of our hilarious? efforts in this direction

THE OFFICIAL HUDDERSFIELD LEAGUE PIPE XI

(Not in length order)

Dave Weston (Captain)

Johnny (Hot Dog) Roberts

Mark Turner (WK)

Simon Jones

Andrew Hutchison

Mick Hall

Simon Kenworthy

Cyril Tomkin

Murphy Walwyn

Andy Woodhead

John Belfield (Not)

THE OFFICIAL HUDDERSFIELD LEAGUE GINGE-MINGE XI

Bevis Moynan

James Pamment

John Sanderson

Simon Jones

Jeremy Duncombe

Chris Payne

Jeremy Finnemore

Simon Hoyle

Robert Denton

Chris Earnshaw

Mark Mitchell

THE OFFICIAL HUDDERSFIELD LEAGUE HAND-RELIEF XI

Gary Jakeman (Captain)

John Beaumont

Rob Denton

Ian Gray

Charles Stanley (WK)

Steven Rushworth

John Eaton

Phil Redgewick

Andy Smith-Butler

Dave Redfearn

Norman Clee

More to come next week folks......

Starting with 1-0-16-0 The first ever fanzine. Published in 1995. These won't be match reports.

I'll try to input at least something that was featured from the first 6 fanzines every week - I'll have to type 'em in so bear with me!

You may wonder why the first ever Fanzine was called 1-0-16-0. What follows is I suppose a kind of match report. In fact it's my first ever match report now I think about it. So no excuses for putting this in. And it does explain the title after all....

DATE - SATURDAY 9TH SEPTEMBER 1995

VENUE - HOLMFIRTH C.C.

WEATHER - DODGY

WICKET - DODGY

MENTAL HEALTH OF HALF SCHOLES C.C. TEAM - DODGY

It just wasn't Belf's day. It was the last day of the season, the local derby with Holmfirth, with our boys seriously intent on putting the Holme Valley rich boys into Section B. Holmfirth were coasting towards our surprisingly good 242, when Capitan Wharton put Ian Bray on 4th change. "Wales" promptly bowled a wide, and John Edward promptly went apopleptic. "Feckin' Welsh twat hasn't bowled for 4 feckin' years. He's picked me for me bowling and won't put me on. Can't risk me at this end my arse".

At this point the aforementioned Welsh Wizard shouted on the way back to his mark "Stop chuntering John and get on with the game". Belf turned even redder, and stem began pouring out of his ears. "I could have bowled 75 overs for the seconds in these last three games. Feckin' Lancastrian c--t". Presumably this last remark was aimed somewhere in the vicinity of the honourable Paul Wharton. Well, after 6 surprisingly respectable overs, Pod retired to the boundary with dignity intact.

On strode Belf, ready for battle. I'll show these First Team monkeys he thought. Defiance poured out of his every orifice.

Three minutes later, an anguished, strangulated kind of self-chastising shout echoed eerily round the whole of Holmfirth, as the last ball of his over sailed yet again onto the old railway line which sits redundantly 60 yards above the present day cricket ground. John was mercifully banished to the boundary's edge, where he prowled somewhat sheepishly for the rest of the game, which we rather astonishingly won, thanks to a superb all round performance from the stress supremo, Ian Gray.

No, it it just wasn't Belf's day. He even dropped a sitter off Coddy, which Jonny (The Cat) Boothroyd could have taken with the cheeks of his (rather ample admittedly) arse.

And John's figures on this "mother" of all days?

Yes - You've got it.

1 over  0 maidens  16 runs  0 wickets

The Very First "The Things They Didn't Say" in 1995

Paul Wharton  "Ok Anthony, here's the new ball, and by the way you'll be opening the batting".

Terrence Coldwell  "Right then Sophie, it's a low cholesterol diet for you girl".

Robert Dearnley  "Ey up lads - my round then".

Tony Marsh "Yes I'll play this week Boot".

Steve Cooper  "Here's your gate money Bob".

Duncan Dyson  "Don't worry Sue, I'll make my own butties".

Spike  "Oh look, here comes Ervin, nice and early".

Coddy  "Feckin' good over Hutch".

Ian Gray  "I agree Umpire, that was a very optimistic appeal, perchance".

Chetan Sharma  "Not tonight dear, I have a splitting headache".

Paul Wharton  "Well done, you took that catch very cleanly Daryl".

Bob Wright to Capitan Wharton  "Hutch bowled well today Paul".

Capitan Wharton to Bob Wright "You've got a fine cricketing brain Bob".

Jonny Boothroyd to Bob Milne  "Bloody Hell Bob, I've had enough".

Bob Milne to Klinsman  "Yes, I've had one too many as well Jonny".

MMMM - BIT SCARY ISN'T IT, HOW MANY OF THESE EARLY AND CLUMSY EFFORTS BY MYSELF, STILL HIT HOME 7 YEARS LATER......

QUOTE OF THE SEASON

Following yet another Coddy outburst

"I don't know where he gets it from - hooneest!!         Terrence Coldwell

CAPTAIN'S LOG  Stardate: 1-0-16-0

Extracts form the personal diaries of Paul Wharton

SATURDAY 15TH APRIL 1995 V ELLAND (H)

Usual pre-season atmosphere, air heavy with anticipation etc, as Scholes take the field with 6 second teamers. Conversation in the dressing room centred largely around pipes??

For example:   "He's got a lovely pipe" - Coddy

"It's an absolute beauty" - Turner

"It's a lovely length" - coddy

Took me a while to realise "Spaghetti" Weston was the focus of all this. Fancy him smoking a pipe..... or maybe it's something to do with plumbing? anyway, although beaten, we all agree Elland will win feck all this year.

 

THIS IS I THINK ASH PAMMENT'S DIARY

SATURDAY 29TH APRIL 1995 V SLAWIT (A)

Managed to win even though Coddy dropped Keith Semple - which is strange for a man who never drops a catch. Slawits a miserable hole though....it's always drizzling and evrybody looks like their dogs just died.

SUNDAY 7TH MAY 1995 V SHAT  (A) SYKES CUP

60 for 0 off 8 as our opening bowlers show their usual respect for our new ball. As the season progresses and Chetan's beard becomes more neatly trimmed: our Indian star is sarting to look more and more like Roddy McDowell in Planet of the Apes. More worryingly, he's starting to bowl like Roddy McDowell in Planet of the Apes.

(Postscript - I think? we won this match, but hang on, I may have a vague memory of being distinctly miserable in the pavilion afterwards - oh feck it -anyone remember?)

MONDAY 29TH MAY 1995 V THONGSBRIDGE (H)

Declared our innings closed after 42 overs. Unfortunately this seemed to send a wave of insanity through the team

"How many overs do they get?"

"We can't lose now can we?"

"We can't win now can we?"

"so we have to bowl 20 overs in the last hour even if it takes us three hours".

"They can only win if it rains".

I should never have bothered..... come to think of it I bet Bob thinks so too.

SATURDAY 1ST JULY 1995 V HOLMFIRTH (H)

Easy win and down to Karbowski's later. Interesting to compare chat-up techniques. Coddy;s "Did you get the number of the bus?....the one that ran over your face" didn't look a winner to me, though Chetan's must have been fairly useful since every time I saw him he seemed to have his face  stuck next to some bird who looked like Olive from 'On the buses'

SATURDAY 22ND JULY 1995 V MELTHAM (A)

Ian beck has now nicely fitted into the side and answers readily to the name "Iron Gloves". During most games he can be seen walking around the boundary with a couple of young boys (who, I am reliably informed in 2002 are both in the Barnsley Academy side and could well play for Yorkshire) ....don't know whether this means he's a devoted family man or a member of Barnsley paedophile ring. (On reflection, I can't think why Ian always hated the venerable Wharton..)

SATURDAY 5TH AUGUST 1995 V SHEPLEY (a)

After the recent bouts of aggression shown by Coddy and the Barnsley One, Ive taken to sidling behind them when they're sat in the pavilion in an effort to get a quick butchers at their scalps. So far I haven't seen any dodgy marks to indicate either is the Anti-Christ, and anyway, after todays game Greavsie has to be a suspect. It well may be S.G. who bears the mark of the beast.

SATURDAY 10TH SEPTEMBER 1995 V HOLMFIRTH (A)

The competition for the pie-chucking competition was as keenly contested as ever (between Hutch, Kenners and Coddy of course) Even as I write it remaians undecided and the figures, when complete, are to be submitted to the Examiner in the form of a pie chart.

As the season draws to the close, I can't help wondering what happened to all those 'rubbers' that Pod was selling for Chetan.........all those bats and pads too come to think of it. Must ask Ash about that.......

SATURDAY 17TH SEPTEMBER 1995

Shopping - Meadowhall

PERSPECTIVES

So England are being clinically dissected limb by limb over in Ozland. It’s cruel, heartless and ultimately bad for the game – here in freezing England at least. I note that there are record crowds in the gladiatorial arenas known as the WACA and GABBA every time England are being thrown to the lions. It’s hard for an Englishman to stomach as the completely merciless Steve Waugh looks up to the towering stands, and gets the “thumbs down” from the baying hordes of present day ‘Romans’ – your every day Brett or Kylie, Jason or Sheila. So Waugh summons up another Brett from the depths of the outfield – and he almost kills Tudor immediately with a fearful blow – and within moments the slaughter is over, the contest ended and the Ashes gone – and the gloating media can crucify English cricket as a laughing stock yet again.

Forgive me for not worrying too much about the fragile state of Nasser’s psyche, the refusal of Freddie’s groin to recover, or the sorry sight of the steady withering of a talent as bright as Trescothick’s. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I don’t care deeply about the future of the game I love. In the past, the desperate deeds being played out under the unforgiving Aussie sunshine would have thrown me into a pit of midwinter blues.

The difference is that now I have a son to concentrate on. I’m desperately trying not to be maudlin, mawkish or sentimental, and I am certainly not asking for anybody’s sympathy as I write these few words. Why on earth would I seek your sympathy when in the long run Leo will be absolutely fine, and he is odds on to be opening the batting for Scholes C.C. by the 2019 season, at the very latest. But it’s hard for me to ignore the fact that I’m writing this at 11-20pm on Wednesday night at the bottom of Leo’s bed, on Ward 48a in Leeds General Infirmary. “Guzzler” had the fourth major operation of his short seven month life on Tuesday, and the poor little sod is having to fast for another 48 hours before we will finally get to see if his newly constructed bowel is going to function. “She who must be obeyed”, otherwise known as Leo’s mum Karen stopped with him last night, so tonight I am stuck in this strange environment – in a kind of semi panic as I worry about Leo, and have the certain prospect of another completely sleepless night stretching out wearily in front of me. But hey – who gives a feck – Leo’s getting stronger every hour and all the wires and drips going into him are ensuring he’s not in too much pain. He copes with it all much better than we do – only a couple of hours ago I held him on my lap, as yet another exhausted and chronically nervous junior doctor finally found a big enough vein on her third attempt to get some blood out of him, and all the time Leo was screaming as if we were sawing his arms off – now he’s happy as Larry no doubt off his head on morphine. Me? I think I’m still traumatised, otherwise I wouldn’t be spewing this shite out – there again I’m finding it quite therapeutic actually.

But I (forgivably I hope) digress a little. So England are getting well and truly stuffed. Don’t worry, we’ll get over it. After all, we are playing against the best cricket team ever. Fitter, stronger and better coached than ever before. Genius of the likes of Warne is rarely glimpsed in sport, and the consistency attained by McGrath is simply exceptional. And then the bastards have Gilchrist batting at number 7 for fecks sake! He scores test match double hundreds for fun. They have as a team revolutionised test match cricket, scoring at 5 an over and eschewing the bore draws that used to blight test match cricket.

And what of England? Crippled by injuries, betrayed by poor medical advice, with too many players woefully out of form, and now clearly suffering from an encroaching sense of self doubt which is effecting everybody in the squad. The Aussies just love it, and there’s nothing we can do to stop the rot. After all, our best athletes play football, not cricket. Can’t blame ‘em really. So we’ll get stuffed for the rest of this tour, do badly in the world cup, and come home to a press crucification. I s’pose we might have done better this winter with the likes of Gough and Thorpe, and without the luckless run of injuries. And what if the Ozzies lost half a team crocked. You know what – they might have struggled too. But it wasn’t to be. As for those morons slagging of Nasser – for god’s sake get some perspective. The man has done a brilliant job dragging English cricket out of the gutter. There’s no doubt that he is suffering as the indignations pile on the humiliations. Nobody could accuse him of not caring. But I note that he too has just had a child arrive in his life. So perhaps he has a little bit of the perspective on the “bigger picture” that the lion-hearted Leo has certainly given me in the past 7 months. I hope so, for the state of his mental health, when you take into account all the unjustified flack that’s headed in his direction in the past couple of months. Hang in there Nasser, we need you to stay on for another couple of years please.

Specky          December 02
?

Scholes (307 for 8) lost to Wrenthorpe (309 for 7) by 2 runs.

What a great game we were treated to on Sunday, and Scholes can be proud of their performance against a team strong enough to be batting Yorkshire’s Bradley Parker at 9, and sporting four high quality pace bowlers together with a brace of spinners. That Scholes almost chased down a daunting 309 for 7 without any sort of contribution from their much vaunted Asian trio of Khan, the sadly out of form Latif, and Shahnawaz speaks volumes for the sheer brilliance of the just turned 17 Tommy “Cockles” Boorman (Scholes CC cleaner), and 19 year old all rounder Tom “Bruiser” Brook (Scholes CC barman). Rumours abound that both have been offered a new kitchen, a free lifetime’s supply of gobstoppers and a shortcut to the Yorkshire Academy by the well connected and free spending Wrenthorpe. These two true Scholeser’s put Scholes within sight of victory with a scintillating fifth wicket stand of 105 after Love’s ludicrous lbw decision left Scholes on a parlous 125 for 4. Boorman had already reached his simply magnificent century made at better than a run a ball, and featuring three gorgeous 6’s and fifteen sublime boundaries with a sumptuous cover drive . Wrenthorpe were in shock and unable to stem the flow of runs as Brook pummelled anything short and drove with freedom, but then to the chagrin of the home support “Cockles” bottom edged the very rapid Batty to the boundary (those 4 runs would have won Scholes the match), only to look up and see the crooked finger raised. His 110 had got Scholes to the brink of victory, but once again they couldn’t quite get home despite Brook’s bristling defiance and 21 from Jarrod Lee. Batty’s pace was crucial as was the left arm swing of the vastly experienced Gill from the bottom end, and Brook couldn’t get to the business end in time. His straight 6 off the last ball of the game got him up to 82* made from only 77 balls, and left Scholes a tortuous two runs short of what would have been one of their greatest ever Chapelgate victories.

Scholes 286 for 6 beat Slawit 168 all out Paddock Shield Final 2009

Scholes Second XI won their seventh Paddock Shield on Sunday in front of a large and expectant Chapelgate crowd, as Slaithwaite were comfortably beaten by 120 runs in a somewhat one sided final. Scholes veteran “Norm” Steers fully deserved his man of the match award following his scintillating 107, but Slaithwaite supporters will forever speculate as to how the course of this match may have changed, should he have been caught at gully off his second ball, when he sliced an easy chance to one very unfortunate and butter-fingered fielder.

Slaithwaite elected to bowl first, and the evergreen Chris Payne struck an early blow for the visitors when Birkhead was caught behind for 2, precisely 152 runs less than he had made in his previous innings. Steers and his youthful partner Louis Sykes were asked plenty of questions by the visitors attack, as the ball swung and seamed, but they gradually gained the ascendancy, laying a solid platform for the pyrotechnics that were to follow. After 30 overs Scholes stood at 107 for 1, and were ready to put pedal to metal. Sykes fell for a fine and composed 54 featuring eight silky boundaries and had helped his partner add a crucial 141 for the second wicket, and then Steers’ 100 was celebrated by an increasingly raucous home crowd. “Norm” reached his milestone from only 94 balls and had stroked sixteen 4’s, and he added another seven runs before exiting a very tired but satisfied man.

Chris Lawson was now at the crease, and the all-rounder launched a brief but brutal assault on the withering Slaithwaite attack. His 42 came from 12 deliveries, six of which were propelled into the stratosphere, and last seen heading in the direction of Hepworth. Pamment hit two 6’s in his breezy 24, as did Floyd in his 14, and Scholes finished on a very healthy 286 for 7. Medium pacer Henry Garside’s 5 for 35 for the visitors was a remarkable effort.

When Pamment snaffled “Chopper” Holroyd at first slip off Lawson’s second ball of the Slaithwaite reply, the Scholes “cop” was in full cry. Payne and Jack Bryson added 66 for the second wicket, but when the former fell lbw to Lawson for 18, Slaithwaite had lost their best two batsmen, choc full of skill and experience, and Scholes could scent a seventh Shield win fast approaching. Bryson went on to a splendid 53, much appreciated by his former team mates and friends at the club, and even survived the horrendous sight of a completely naked rugby league player bringing out the drinks at the 25 over break. Sajjad (22) and Beardsell (21) shone briefly, but Lawson had 3 for 41 from his 12 over spell, and was given strong support by Josh Brook and Pamment who picked up two wickets apiece. Richard Wimpenny mopped up the tail with his 3 for 26 from his 8.2 overs, and Slaithwaite had fallen away to 166 all out.

Skipper Craig Marsh lifted the old shield once more a few minutes later, delighted that his side had simply had too much pace, power and experience for their opponents in a surprisingly one-sided final, and the celebrations went on long into the night.

Scholes First’s should be glad that their Second XI team mate’s exploits overshadowed another disappointing loss on Saturday. Shelley were motivated and driven by a unified team spirit, and after losing a lot of close matches this season deserved their four run victory. They posted 193 for 7, as Kiwi Drysdale made 66, Scott 43 and Dyson 26. Brook had 2 for 36 in ten overs and Alsop 3 for 80 from his 15 over spell. Boorman made 26, Latif 22, Noble 37, and Love 25 and Lee 16, but Scholes needed one of them to hang around long enough to help Brook (33*) see Scholes home, but Hill’s excellent 4 for 86 from 20 accurate overs saw Shelley home as Scholes meekly subsided to 189 all out as Holmes was run out off the penultimate ball of the match.

Black Sheep Yorkshire Champions Final at Treeton  Sunday 12th September 2010

Scholes (199 all out) beat York (157 all out) by 42 runs

The population of York is 193,500. York CC play in the Yorkshire County ECB Premier League. In fact they have just won the strongest league in Yorkshire for the fourth year in succession,  also won their Cup and have gone through the entire season unbeaten. They won their cup final by 242 runs. They beat Bradford champions Baildon in this year’s Black Sheep competition by 248 runs. They are quite good……

The population of Scholes is 1,990.  Scholes have lost recently to lowly Broad Oak and Barkisland, were bowled out for 83 last weekend by Slaithwate, and have just handed the magnificent Byrom Shield back to Honley, who became Premiership champions yet again at the weekend (well done Archie and Co, a great achievement)

These two seemingly ill matched teams met at Treeton in South Yorkshire on Sunday, in the final of this year’s Black Sheep Yorkshire Champions trophy. York arrived in a brand new  executive Mercedes mini bus. 72 Scholes supporters and players were still milling around Chapelgate wondering if their internet booked “executive” double decker would ever arrive at about the same time. Then miraculously our carriage arrived, and 72 people broke into a chorus of “we’re all going on a summer holiday”, as we piled onto a multi-coloured 25 year old ex corporation double decker which had carpet on it’s roof. Hilarity soon dissolved into fear as a wobbly chassis, slipping clutch, burning smell and the sight of smoke sliding up to the top deck hardly made for a re-assuring ride - at least we were comforted by driver “Butler’s” inability to get his charabanc above 20mph on anything but a downhill stretch. But this bus was very “Scholes”, chaotic, unreliable and full of character. This bus set the tone for the day, as other players and supporters gathered in amused incredulity to welcome us as we made our very late, but triumphant arrival at Treeton. York’s sense of invincibility as they strutted around the outfield must have been quadrupled by the arrival of the country bumpkins. This bus was a tactical masterpiece by the man who booked it - Scholes skipper James Noble.

“Keith”s next move was to win the toss and bat, a decision he probably regretted minutes later as he nicked Bartram to Wackett and Scholes were 7 for 1. Love and Clayton then added a largely untroubled 50 for the second wicket until the latter fell to the impressive left arm spin of Woods for 12. Love, who’s dad Jim coaches York, had batted beautifully for his 35 when a shower arrived and halted play for 15 minutes, a break which wrought havoc to the Scholes innings. First ball back Love glanced leg spinner Pringle only for the ball to richochet freakishly back onto his stumps and giving keeper Wackett a fortunate stumping. 120 Scholes supporters outnumbered the York contingent 10 to 1 and were in good humoured raucous form, particularly taking a shine to York’s pace bowler Groves for some obscure reason, but they were all but silenced as three wickets fell on 85 as Khan (18) Latif (8) and Bird (0) perished, and I wondered if my dream the previous night of Scholes being all out for 95 was about to come true. Birkhead hit three lusty 6’s in his plucky 25, but at 123 for 8 Scholes looked dead and buried against the most formidable batting line up in Yorkshire cricket.

The mighty Mohammed Shah Nawaz had his own agenda however and launched a scintillating counter attack on the unsuspecting York attack, and as the ball began sailing out the ground with regularity the Scholes contingent came back to life, and York seemed bemused by the type of batting assault I suppose you don’t see too often on the giant Yorkshire League grounds. “Grovesey” was taken for three successive 6’s, and “Shaz” reached his 50 with his sixth maximum bludgeoned into the clubhouse at cover off only his 22nd delivery. He was last man out for a brilliantly brutal 59, having been given worthy support by Alsop and Holmes as  Scholes were all out for 199 in the 46th over. York’s spin twins Pringle and Woods had three wickets apiece.

When Alsop reduced York to 17 for 3 securing three lbw verdicts the increasingly lubricated Scholes terrace was scenting a famously improbable Scholes win, but McKendry and Collins calmly took it up to 104 for 3 by drinks at 25 overs, and all was quiet on the Western terrace. However once again a break in play changed everything, as McKendry was stumped for 39, and there followed a passage of play that will forever be written into Scholes folklore. Four wickets fell for 9 runs as the double act of Holmes and Shah Nawaz ripped the heart out of York, and the evergreen wicketkeeper claimed a fifth successive victim as he dived full length to his right to take Wackett off the rapid Brook. When a jubilant Shah Nawaz yorked “Grovesy” York were incredibly reduced to 144 for 9, and it was left to popular Aussie Luke Bird to castle Pringle and spark the inevitable crowd invasion, as York were all out for 157 in the 44th over. Alsop had a superb 3 for 25 and inevitable man of the match winner Shah Nawaz 4 for 25 as the celebrations began in earnest, and yes we bus travellers did make it back to Scholes after another perilous journey down the M1. With the First XI in fourth place in the Premiership and the Second XI finishing runners up, the Under 17’s winning League and Cup and all Junior teams doing well, winning this competition rounds off another highly successful Scholes CC season, well done to all who played a role in our continuing success.

Saturday 12th September 2009  (Scholes 155 for 3) beat Clayton West (154 all out) by 7 wickets

Scholes concluded their magnificent 2009 cricketing campaign on Saturday with their 15th six point win of the season over Clayton West, their 19th win in 26 games, which enabled them to overtake Honley’s previous Premiership record of 119 points. It was a fitting finale on the most gorgeous late summers afternoon you could ever wish for, as League Chairman Roger France handed the coveted Byrom Shield over to a mightily happy (and relieved) Scholes skipper James Noble before the match. The fixture was understandably a low key but enjoyable stroll in the sunshine for a relaxed Scholes outfit, who were happy enough to bowl the visitors out for 154, as Alsop finished another profitable season by snaring the first three victims for a lowly 14 runs in 11 mesmeric overs, and Floyd secured an initial First team wicket. That left Iqbal Khan to mop up the tale with 4 for 31, as only the excellent Johnny Butterfield (53*), and to a lesser extent Firth (21) and Gibson (27) offered any real resistance. Yet again Scholes stuttered early doors as Smith went for 27 and Latif 15 and the champions were ever so slightly rocking on 53 for 3, but popular Aussie Shane Mott looked determined to leave the club on a high note right from his first delivery, and Khan just carried on in the rich vein of batting form he has reached during the month of Ramadan, seemingly taken to a higher plain of cricketing mastery by fasting and praying during daylight hours. These two contrasting but consummate batters took Scholes to their target in the 36th over, with Khan collecting another “red inker” on 38*, and Mott signing off with an unbeaten 53* which feaured nine 4’s and one maximum.

That leaves me time for a quick run through of the statistics for the Chapelgater’s main players, kindly provided by Scholes’ superb scorer Vicky Numbers, (name changed by deed poll)

Skipper James Noble has probably become the youngest man to ever to lift the Byrom Shield, and with a totally unfancied team, this represents a huge achievement. He would readily admit scratching around with the bat for most of the season and there’s little doubt Captaincy takes runs off all but the most focused skippers, but James still made 627 runs in all games. Re-assuringly, despite all the stresses and strains of a draining season he remains resolutely as daft as a brush. Iqbal Khan has hugely enjoyed his first Scholes season, chipping in with 36 wickets with his gentle off spin, and cementing together a fragile batting line up with a magnificent 1272 runs. He made three tons and his average is in the mid 80’s which may put him in with a shout of the League batting prize. “Mr Cricket” has not made this many runs for a number of years, hopefully a testimony to the Scholes knack of making players feel at home very quickly once they arrive at Chapelgate. Ibrar Latif smashed a scintillating 135* early season, but never again reached those sort of batting heights, but he was also a wise and calming presence on the field and in the changing rooms, and 689 runs at 31 was a decent effort. Andy Alsop rumbled up the hill all season, never offering so much as a half volley, to slowly strangle the life of despairing opposition batsmen. 66 victims perished at a lowly cost of 13, as “Sloppy” finally and deservedly got his hands on a Premiership winners medal. 17 year old Tom Brook steamed down the hill to take 23 wickets, often curtailed by the ridiculous 6 over rule, and should his cricket continue to develop at such a pace he will be a fearful threat with both bat and ball next season. Mohammed Shahnawaz collected 55 wickets at 19 apiece with his highly under-rated medium pace, accuracy and subtle changes of pace did for most batters, and Shaz’s bubbly slightly insane on field demeanour does much for team morale. The wily, wizened, weathered and always worried veteran wicket keeper Richard “Bubbles” Holmes has proved he’s till the best in the business despite his advanced age in snapping up 31 catches and 13 stumpings, and never before has a man more deserved to pick up a championship winning medal than my friend Richard. Matt Smith, Tom Love, Louis Sykes, Mark Floyd Richard Wimpenny and Jamie Clayton all played a role through the season, which leaves me to mention Shane Mott. Although the paceman from Sydney never found our soggy and slow wickets to his liking and struggled to adapt, he still played a crucial role in the title winning team. Always calm and positive, this likeable man still managed 52 wickets and 602 runs in his first season with Scholes. Everybody at the club fervently hopes that Shane and his partner Elyce, who couldn’t have adapted to Holme Valley life any better and are a superb couple, can return for another adventure in England in 2010. Skipper Noble gives his thanks to all on and off the field who made winning the title possible his grateful thanks, and assures me that there will be no resting on his laurels, as the club are already actively looking to strengthen for next season.

Scholes II’s completed another successful Paddock Shield winning season on Saturday at Marsden,  and although this game was lost they still finished in third place in the Premiership. Marsden made 214 with Zaffino making 72, and despite 49 from Wakefield, 45 from 15 year Tommy Boorman and 31 from brother Matthew, they fell a mystifying 15 runs short with 5 wickets left as the overs ran out. Thanks for reading folks and I’ll be back next spring.

Paddock Shield Final  Marsden (164 all out) lost to Scholes (199 for 7) by 35 runs

Scholes Second XI, skippered by Craig Marsh, lifted the Paddock Shield for the sixth time on Sunday with a fine win at a hyperborean Hemplow over Marsden.

Marsh was faced with a difficult decision on winning the toss, and admitted later to hoping he called incorrectly to avoid deciding whether to bat first and post a total, or bowl on what proved to be a damp and spongy surface on which no batsman could ever truly feel in. He decided on the former, probably swayed by the fact that bowler Joe Hinchliffe had sped out of the car park 35 minutes before wickets were pitched, having opened his “coffin” to discover he had indeed left his whites in the dryer some 7 miles away at home. Don’t tell the local constabulary but he set some kind of record by doing the return trip in 23 minutes, and went on to play a very significant role in Scholes’ victory.

Openers Mark Wimpenny and Louis Sykes, a classic combination of sturdy experience and embryonic talent, carefully laid the foundations for what was to be a substantial total on such an unreliable pitch. 26 came from the first ten overs as Hall and Longmore bowled well and without luck. Wimpenny was dropped at slip and then square leg, but the phlegmatic “chief” remained unflustered, and Scholes had reached 66 as drinks were taken at the 25 over mark. Safely ensconced in one of the Marsden “bunkers” under the banking, and sitting on the Albert Butterworth memorial seat, we were mostly sheltered from the perishing wind howling down the golf course above the cricket ground, but the sun simply couldn’t break through the grey clouds wrapped around the Pennines, a real shame considering all the effort Marsden had put into organising the day so well.

Wimpenny (43) finally went with the score on 80, as a hideous lifter went through the surface yet again and thankfully his gloves saved his teeth, although the ball flew gently to keeper Daniel. The 16 year old Sykes watched unperturbed however, resolute in defence and gradually looking to pick up the scoring rate. He had compiled a classy 46 and Scholes stood at a healthy 116 when he fell, unselfishly attempting to hit out as he knew Scholes had some powerful batters still in the shed. Opening bowler Sam Hall was back on for a second spell and looking increasingly dangerous, and Adam Steers, in his sixth Paddock Shield final and desperately hoping to pick up a first winning medal became his third victim, but not before making a classy 29. Richard Wimpenny (24) smashed a couple of sixes, the second of which severely damaged the windscreen of a Scholes supporter’s car unwisely parked at square leg, and both Matthew Boorman (11*) and Jack Bryson (14) made important runs at the end, as Hall with a fine 5 for 30 showed just how much there could be in this wicket for the bowlers. Still Scholes were happy enough with their total of 199 for 7, and could be considered favourites over the tea interval.

The odds on a Scholes win had shortened further after four overs of Marsden’s reply, as they had lost openers Ackroyd and Zaffino with only 12 runs on the board. Opening bowlers Richard Wimpenny and Josh Brook were excellent as a paltry 14 runs came in the next 15 overs, and when Wimpenny castled Danny Clee in the 19th the home side looked stranded on 36 for 3. Daniel (27) resisted bravely until bowled by Joe Hinchliffe, and Clarke made a determined 35 until another brute of a ball reared on to his gloves and he was caught at square leg. Hall then had his timbers shivered by the fired up Hinchliffe, and a sorry run out left Marsden 114 for 7. A brief rally followed but Hinchliffe picked up two more crucial wickets for his “Michelle” (5 for 36), and the coup de gras was applied as Longmore was left yards short going for a suicidal second run, and Marsden were all out for 164, with Matthew Clee left stranded on 26*. A good natured pitch invasion followed as Scholes celebrated their 6th Paddock Shield win in ten final appearances, and afterwards Roger France awarded Louis Sykes the man of the match award for his top score of the final on such a tricky wicket of 46.

Paddock (39 for 9) Only 10 men lost to Scholes (40 for 3) by 7 wickets

Scholes finally secured their passage back to the Premiership last Saturday with yet another ridiculously easy win over totally inept opponents, as ten man Paddock were bowled out in 27 overs for 39. The honour of hitting the winning run to clinch the Cedar Court Conference title fell to a somewhat startled Josh Brook, who found himself at the crease after three wickets fell with the score on 38, and the whole team had already changed into their civvies. As he faced his first ball he realised that in his pockets were his wallet, car keys and phone, and that he was batting without a box. Little wonder he was keen to get the job finished, and as the winning single was taken to mid off, the magnificent Union of South Africa steam train rumbled past the railway embankment next to the ground bellowing black smoke and blowing it’s whistle in celebration of Scholes escaping the clutches of the Conferences.

Scholes had mercilessly asked Paddock to bat on a dampish track, and the metronomic Andy Alsop soon realised that all that was required was to pitch it up straightish and the ineptitude of the home batters would do the rest. Perrera (11) was the only man to reach double figures until he too was “feng shue’d” (that’s having your furniture re-arranged folks), and he was one of seven Alsop victims in a 13 over spell in which he conceded a paltry 14 runs, a remarkable analysis that saw him steal a march on Asim Khan in their private battle for the Scholes bowling prize.

Goodness only knows what the spirit of Lieutenant Col Sir Emmanuel Hoyle BART OBE JP, one of the many dignitaries who laid a foundation stone when Paddock’s solid old clubhouse was built in 1935, was thinking. It’s very sad to see such a famous old club who once had no less a player than Gary Sobers in their ranks for a District League fixture struggling so badly, I hope they can find the energy and spirit (and new players) to keep going. So Scholes won in the 12th over with Jamie Clayton (23) stroking two lovely fours through the covers and launching an enormous six on to the roof of the clubhouse, and we were left bereft of cricket at 3-45pm, a somewhat anti-climatic way to secure the title for a rightfully ecstatic James Noble’s side who have done a great job in getting the club back into the Premiership at the first time of asking.

Scholes II’s entertained a Chris Payne inspired Slaithwaite up at Chapelgate, and the visitors posted a healthy 221 for 5 as both their skipper and Maguire made half centuries. Scholes fell 26 runs short in their reply as Payne took two wickets and Harry Bryson (38) and Hertzberg (43*) battled away for the home side, and youngster Jack Bryson’s scintillating 52 with seven boundaries and three maximums was a high quality effort.

Sunday 13-08-06 Scholes (263 for 5) beat Elland (178 all out) by 85 runs  Paddock Shield Final

Scholes Second XI won their fifth Paddock Shield on Sunday with a comprehensive victory over League champions elect Elland at Chapelgate. Given the morning deluge and a highly dubious forecast, it was remarkable that this game was done and dusted on such a grim day, more akin to November than the supposed high summer of August in England. And following the drubbing inflicted on Scholes on the previous day at Hullen Edge in the reverse League fixture, Gareth Wakefield’s men can’t have been choc full of confidence coming into the showpiece final of second team cricket. But I reckon “Gruber” had a cunning plan, craftily devised to lull a previously rampant Elland into an altogether too confident zone. So on Saturday the batting and bowling order was tinkered with, and well as Sykes (38) and Clayton (67) played in making 101 for the first wicket, 192 for 6 was never going to be enough against Elland on the broad pastures of Hullen Edge. The home side triumphed by 8 wickets in the 36th over, with the simply outstanding youngster Jennison rattling up a brilliant 117*, and there were a few of the younger home players strutting about the Bains Hall on Saturday night thinking they were already odds on to do the double of League and Cup. But the experienced head of Dave Briers was heard warning them that Scholes would be a different team at home, especially with the likes of Coldwell, Nicky Brook and Richard Wimpenny to come back into the side. How prophetic his words proved to be.

The Paddock Shield final began with Elland winning the toss and inserting Scholes without hesitation. The pace of Mee soon did for Mark Wimpenny and Sykes, but a patient Myers (9) stood firm in helping Brook add 54 for the third wicket and steadying the ship. Richard Wimpenny joined the legendary “Buster”, and gradually their class and composure swung the game Scholes’ way. Despite not having picked up a bat for five weeks, Brook looked in complete control throughout, a man certain of his destiny, to score yet another big match ton and bat the opposition out of the game. Left hander Wimpenny looked every inch the former White Rose star he is, compact in defence and full of elegant strokemaking. As the score began approaching 200, and as poor Briers behind the sticks began leaking byes at an unprecedented rate for such a big game, Elland fell to pieces. Young leg spinner Webster went for serious damage, and Mee returned for a second profligate spell of four overs at the cost of 36 runs, although Adam Steers did his best to rein Scholes in with 2 for 29 off his 12 overs. The simply fantastic Brook’s 102 featured nineteen boundaries and two meaty maximums, and his fourth wicket stand of 154 with the excellent Wimpenny (63*) ensured Scholes eventually totalled a mightily impressive 263 for 5, with extras (70) second top scorer.

Good as that total was it soon began to look distinctly ordinary as Elland raced away on the resumption to 73 in the first 12 overs. Wakefield turned to Josh Brook, who looks to me to be a young cricketer who makes things happen, and he produced a pearler that lifted and cut away which Steers (37) was good enough to edge to keeper Marsh. But Jennison had serenely reached a sublime half century by the time left arm spinner Tom “Monty” Graham was introduced into the attack, a few minutes after my old friend and eternal pessimist Bob Dearnley had said “we’re going to lose this – but a lot depends on how our spinner bowls”. How right he was. The modest and self effacing Graham came on and bowled the spell possibly of his life. His second ball did something. We thought it pitched middle and hit off. Coldwell at slip thought it moved back in like a “doosra”. Monty himself said “He just missed it”, ever the reluctant hero. Whatever. It castled the previously impregnable Jennison for 55, and Graham then went on in the space of twelve deliveries to turn this game on it’s head, for no less than three hapless Hullen Edger’s perished in his next over, as Firth, Finn and Mee all succumbed to the genial ‘ginner’. Mee had smote him for a six but his timber was shivered next ball, and Elland had plunged from a hopeful 105 for 2 to a hopeless 112 for 7 in no time, as Webster was also castled. As the heavens finally opened umpires and players made the sensible decision to get the game finished despite the downpour. Briers (34*) with a late onslaught got Elland up to the respectability of 178 all out in the 33rd over, but fittingly “Monty” finished the game with yet another lbw decision against Ward to complete the memorable bowling analysis of 6 for 33 off 6.5 overs, and it was of course he who collected the man of the match trophy in the awards presentation following the match. Quite how this correspondent managed to get through work on Monday nursing a monumental hangover following a raucous night of celebration shall forever remain a mystery.

Scholes First’s probably won’t mind at all for once playing second fiddle to the Seconds as they were well beaten on Saturday at home to Elland. Scholes made 215 for 8 with Dave Weston (45) and Keith Noble (37) top scoring, and James Thornton taking 4 for 49. Baxter (43) Frankland (36) and Whiteoak (37) batted well, but were overshadowed by Ryan Robinson, who bludgeoned a superb 84* off only 57 balls to take Elland to a seven wicket victory in the 42nd over.        

Skelmanthorpe II's (112 all out) lost to the mighty Scholes II's (113 for 1) by 9 wickets

   Scholes Second XI won the Paddock Shield for the fourth time at Skelmanthorpe on Sunday, with their skipper and inspirational leader Nicky Brook leading from the front and picking up the man of the match award for his three catches and unbeaten 68. But “Buster” would be the first to admit that this was very much a team effort from his highly motivated team which comprises of a healthy cocktail of youth and vast experience. In the field Scholes were relentless and took every chance that came their way, led by Brook’s hat trick of very fine slip catches and the predatory Craig “Jonty” Marsh at point, who brilliantly ran out the dangerous Hennell and pouched Aspinall above his head a couple of overs later; with the ball the cagey cricketing knowledge of Load, Wakefield and Clarke nestled perfectly with the raw promise of the Hinchliffe brothers; and with the bat Wimpenny. Hertzberg and of course Brook were mature and measured in their patient and inevitable chasing down of the home side’s lowly 112 all out.

Scholes won the toss and didn’t hesitate in asking the home side to bat in front of an expectant and excellent Lidgett Lane crowd, reasoning that there simply had to be some juice in this pitch after the record deluges we have all endured recently. The truth is that there was some seam movement and a little swing for Load in particular, but this was no “tricky sticky”. Skelmanthorpe should have posted a total somewhere around 200, which would have taken some chasing. Instead of applying themselves they too often and too soon applied the long handle, and a succession of batsmen fell playing big shots. Load snared the first three with his dibbly dobblers, including the prize scalps of Skelmanthorpe skipper Redgewick (0) and the very dangerous former Scholes first teamer Kristian Whittaker (28). Once Marsh superbly ran out Hennel by a country mile for 19, the Lidgett Laners slumped to a sad 75 for 7 as the Hinchliffe brothers took over.  Skipper Andrew Wright briefly raised the home crowds sombre spirits with a hard hit 31 until top edging to the very safe and very large hands of Harry Bryson, and the innings was wrapped up by Wakefield’s slower ball shivering Guest’s timbers without him troubling the scorers. Load’s 3 for 36 was indeed crucial, John Hinchliffe picked up a brace of victims and younger brother Joe rounded off a fine season with the exemplary figures of 3 for 14 from his 8 overs.

Sadly for the home crowd and any neutrals present the result was never in any doubt once the prolific Brook settled into his tried and tested groove of batsmanship. Andrew Clarkson did persuade Mark Wimpenny (10) to play all round a half volley, but well as he was bowling Scholes had already made 32 and Brook looked to be in the zone. Hertzberg was the perfect foil, in form after a century on Saturday, and these two quality cricketers unhurriedly took Scholes towards inevitable victory, which arrived in the 37th over with Hertzberg (25*) hitting the winning boundary off Aspinall. Brook had twelve boundaries in his chanceless 68*, cunningly compiled from 105 deliveries. Word is a small and very understated celebration may have have just been coming to an end in the Scholes clubhouse as the sun rose on Monday morning.

The Second’s had hardly prepared well on Saturday at Delph, as they somehow managed to lose despite Dave Crane’s excellent 6 for 36 and Paul Hertzberg’s brave unbeaten 107. The Saddleworth sledger’s did brilliantly well to recover from 35 for 4 to 221 for 9, thanks mainly to the belligerent blade of Prescott, whose 96 featured no less than eight mighty 6’s. Scholes fell just 6 runs short, despite the best efforts of Bryson, with a season’s best of 41, and Wakefield whose 33 with four 6’s just failed to be enough to support Hertzberg in his valiant effort.